FEA AYANNA

Badly.

2008-12-26T06:06:00.003-08:00

Well, I've decided to post anyway since I have nothing much to do rather than shopping and taking pictures all day long. Sentosa was fascinating, the butterflies place, the underworld 3, opssie, I mean the under water world something, I could barely remember it. Singapore's full of Chinese. We ran into erwan's cousins today, vacation on Sentosa too. They seem nice and sorta flirty, which I dislike. No one in this world has what it takes to even touch my hand, except Robert Pattinson*Obsession* ;D not much that I can say, S'pore's ordinary, I've been here several times. Too bad daniel couldn't come, mom didn't want him to come with us, hard to control him. I took a lot of photos of myself, I'll upload it later if I have time. I miss my M.A, I need him soo badly. ='( I wanted to get on9 but I know he won't be there. Btw, it was last minute when he
told me that he was going on a vacation to somewhere. Didn't even tell me how long will he be there. That was partly the reason I got pissed off. We didn't even get the chance to spend our time together. My flight was actually scheduled this afternoon, but considering the fact that I'm pissed off, I've decided to depart earlier. Hmm.. I Love you sayang.. Good Night.. Take Care yea.. I'll be back soon, I promise.

Badly.

2008-12-26T06:06:00.001-08:00

Sorry

2008-12-26T02:27:00.000-08:00

I won't be posting anything until I get back to Brunei. Wait for me syg.. I LOVE YOU. =)

I miss him. =(

2008-12-26T00:32:00.000-08:00

I wonder what he's up to right now. we're soo far apart but I always believed that we're closer to the heart.. I'm not mad at him anymore.. I miss him and I regret to have ever been so rude to him.. I'm sorry syg.. =( I'm going back home tomorrow, I guess.. Can't live long enough for even 3 days without him. There it is, another sacrification, for him. Eventhough sometimes it seems like he never did appreciate me.. I'm happy being with him, truly. =') I love you sayang.. I really do.. I'm still at Sentosa though, thank god ada service here. Hmm. Later.

Queshiee

2008-12-25T21:25:00.000-08:00

RULES
#1 Do the “Letter MEME”.
#2 Copy the “How-to” Letter Meme, and finish your Journal entry.
How you do the Letter Meme:

Dear (the last person who left a text message on your phone):
I don’t really know how to tell you this, but __1__. I think I realised it when/on __2__3__ and I saw __4__5__. I’m sure you’re __6__ enough to understand __7__.. I’m returning __8__ to you, but I’ll keep __9__ as a memory. You should also know that I __10__11__. __12__.
Love, (your name).
P/S: You’re so lifeless, __13__ (the name of person who hugged you).

1. What’s the colour of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’ll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn’t match
Grey - You’re a pervert
Yellow - I’m selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You’re a loser
Other - I’m in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women’s clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife

4. What’s the colour of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out

5. What’s the colour of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United’s goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scared
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I’ve felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn’t exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we’re cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I’m allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Over joyous - That I’m open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What’s the colour of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - How awful I’ve felt
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David’s tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always thought of
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family

13. What is your favourite activity when hanging out with mates?
Gathering for drinks – Ugly pig
Foosball – Silly duck
Shopping – french kisser
Indulging for food – Cranky banana
Movies – Smelly Armpits
Snacks – Horny Wolf
Snooker – Tiny nipples
Bowling – Sexy grandmother
Outdoor activities – Vain pot
Having a long talk – Nose picker
Taking pictures – Dumb bitch
Other – Burn yourself

Dear Erwan:
I don’t really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realised it when I changed tennis shoes in the mental hospital and I saw you sit on Manchester united’s goalkeeper. I’m sure you’re scared enough to understand that we’re cousins .. I’m returning your ring to you, but I’ll keep your suicide note as a memory. You should also know that I always thought of Oprah Winfrey’s imitations, go and drown yourself. Love, Nurul.
P/S: You’re so lifeless, dumb bitch, Erwan.

Morning

2008-12-25T18:24:00.000-08:00

I got up this morning with tears. This isn't working, the more I try tried forget him, the more I want him. ='( I miss him, truly, damnly, greatly, missing him. Well, after doing some shopping, we'll be off to Sentosa Island. We went for breakfast at cafe le claire this morning. Later.

Robert my baby. =D

2008-12-25T17:33:00.000-08:00

YOU ARE SOOO MINEE SWEETIE.. I can't take my eyes off you.... ;D

can't sleep.

2008-12-25T08:32:00.000-08:00

Each time I open my eyes,
I make sure you're by my side
The words I couldn't say back then overflow now...
It hurts

How can you forgive me?
Even when I brought you to tears so many times
The smile you give in return is your answer
"Thank you".... that's all I can say

However much the wind blows against me
Even if it seems like I'll get lost
There's just one, only one person... you
We shared our sorrows from the very beginning...
I can only do something like that with you
The two of us need no other words
Looking into your eyes, I vow this
The two of us were bound together by small miracles...
I'm sure of it

That red book is my diary. A lot of secret in it. =')

I miss you sayang. I really do. ='(

Singaporeeeee.......

2008-12-25T08:25:00.000-08:00

Ohh, I forgot to post these pics. =) So.. Hmm.. IDK, just watch em'.

Safe and sound.

2008-12-25T06:35:00.000-08:00

I'm thankful that I've arrived safely at Singapore. =) But not yet happy. Me and him, had a massive fight, again for the 999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 times I guess. I hope he's safe and is enjoying his trip. I missed him so badly, I actually cried all the way to S'pore. The thing is that he kept complaining about me, everyday huny ane tia, atu tia, and ofcourse I do feel sick and bored. I don't, elseway, never did feel comfortable when he tend to coerce me to reveal my secrets and all that. My life is my privacy, no one, not even YOU have the rights to know stuffs that I refused to tell. Why won't he understand? I mean, erwan's okay with me not telling anything and stuffs. Him, OTOH, it almost like my secretive personality seems to be a sin or a crime or something like that. Whatever. I'm here, in S'pore, to chill out and relax. I won't give any chance to my mind to think about this anymore. Btw, about Twilight, I've watch it 5 times already, I mean in the cinema. I keep screaming when edward came into view, and I kept saying stuffs like 'eee, handsomenya, cute ehh, perfect guy, I wish he is mine, mun aku kna bawa cmatu wa'my friend was like 'balik2 jua ko ane, shhhhh'. Then I'll knock his/her head pasal mengacau. 5th time watching Twilight, I wore my spec, pasal 4 kali lyat, ada particular scenes that made me wanna cry but I can't cuz I'm wearing contacts. Bbanar tah I cried time atu.. Edward was.. totally handsome baa.. his eyes was.. OMG. The kissing scene was not digusting(haha) pasal IDK.. Edward's doing it kali.......... It's kinda humiliating for me to say this but yeah, I liked his lips.. ;D Ohh, I wish that I was bella.. Robert.. I WANT YOU SOO BADLY!!! I styled my hair at IA,so hot, thanks guys, my beloved hairstylists. I heard a lot of people were busy shopping, pasal bonus. Me? My parents got their bonuses last month, every november. =) well, thatis all.. I'm tired..

Only one

2008-12-23T05:58:00.000-08:00

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up
And I give up
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up
I feel like giving up
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

Only one,

My Robert Pattinson. =)

2008-12-23T05:42:00.000-08:00

comeback

2008-12-23T04:38:00.000-08:00

I have forgotten my password, thank god I wrote it in my diary. I'll be active blogging again kali... So, in one shattering, spiraling moment, my life, my entire existence has been bent into a question mark. I think its fate. It’s like water seeking its own level: my life just wants to be a mess. Nadilla says the best laid plans are seldom the ones we’re meant to follow. Oh, well, here’s hoping. Because if life is really a journey, I’ve had one hell of a maiden voyage. And what does my M.A want, really? A lover, a friend? Someone who can keep up with his crazy quest for questions and answers and TRUTH?
I struggle, as I have all along, as the human race has for millennia, to contemplate, to comprehend, to express this love. The quality, the quantity, certain that no two people have experienced such a thing before, in the history of creation. Perhaps Romeo and Juliet, Anthony and Cleopatra, Tristan and Isolde, but they are only characters, shadows and dust and ashes and make believe. We have known each other forever, since before conception, before thought. I have found a man whose hopes and dreams match mine. I don't want to lose him, but I can't pretend this isn't happening. Being without him is slowly destroying me. It's not the time. It's me...without him. Do you want forever? Do you remember? There are things I haven't told you. You know that on some level, I think you must. I worry you enough, and you have enough to worry about. If, when you're here, when you're safe, you want to know...then...maybe then. I know you make promises you can't keep - promises I would never let you keep. And it's important to me, because I care about you. I will not give you up. I'll still have you.
As independent and fiesty as you have known me to be, I still sleep best in your arms. You, you who are my shield, my soldier and savior, my sword against the darkness. Sometimes I want to know you're strong, to hear that arrogant macho-man somewhere inside you talking - saying that he's going to take care of me, protect me, never let anything happen to come betwen us. I know my M.A will probably be paning ne mun ya membaca. astee.

Mallaholic.

2008-12-19T00:54:00.001-08:00

This afternoon, I went to the mall and watched TWILIGHT, with a few friends. The movie was awesome, there's some scenes that doesn't seem to be coming from the book. Edward was as usual, freaking handsome, ohh I love his blushy cheeks and golden eyes and perfect hair. I wish my boyfriend is a vampire. =) I didn't tell him btw.. MALAS. Serves him right, I don't care what would he feel when reading this post, *sigh. We went for lunch at excapade and hang out infront of kokoberry's booth, eating crepes. I'm happy but not happy, huhh.. I'm confused. I really missed him but unfortunately.. I'm still drown in anger. Better of him to leave me alone. I know that I'm a jerk for leaving him alone while I'm out having fun, with my friends. Which 2 of them were boys and the other 3 were girls. Tonight, I'm going to mall again, gonna watch Jim carrey's new movie, I guess. I feel sorry though. I still love you M.A

Malas.

2008-12-18T22:20:00.001-08:00

Pagi ani malas I kan post. Banci that guy.

Good morning, bad night.

2008-12-18T07:52:00.001-08:00

Half part of today was great, my favourite little baby came for a visit at my home. I hugged and kissed her, much. What a lovely baby girl. I have fun with daniel too, he, as usual, teased me by saying stuffs like 'meh, jadi kah enda?' I said 'jadi apa?' he replied 'jadi ambuk'. Naughty little rugrat. Tonight? Was horrible! I had a fight with him. I'm starting to feel like it's better of alone, single, without love. Boyfriends are such a wuss, tiresome creatures, pain in the butt! So, it was all about Robert Pattinson, the adorable teen heartthrobe, ohh, I do adore him. My msn's nickname was 1305 R something, malas tah kan engat. It is not my fault if R.P is soo handsome that every girl in this world's crazy about him! I'm just a fan okay! A FAN!!! Robert Pattinson is my idol!! Why took them soo seriously? My nick, my right! Not him! I do not have to listen to anyone about what should I type as my nickname! I'm soo pissed off right now! He told me that he didn't know, that's why he asked. Tapi lapas atu badmood jua masih! Tantu sudah suspect something tu awal2x ah, pandai2x kan claim that he trusted me, antah ehh! It looks like someone had not yet seen what I've sacrificed for them. I cried everynight, no one understands me! Only wandy, but he's gone because of... ='( Hell! Malas tah I engau ehh. Whatever major loser. I hate that Love you M.A I hate it!! ='(

Blacjack.

2008-12-17T19:33:00.001-08:00

I was playing blackjack this morning, I mean in game form, ordinary one, not strip type, haha. I was kinda good at it, can't lie. So this guy asked me if I would marry him and I said yes. Then, he stole my money! What a whore! It's not a big deal anyway, only a game, enough saying. I got up late again today and my mom was 'bah, keep on being a late riser' and deep inside my heart I was like saying 'ea bangun aher blh mumy a, wu!', haha. I'm supposed to be an early riser btw, I don't know how come I often got up late these days. Virus x dari my M.A. ;P I'm fucking worried about the upcoming results. At least my results will be out a bit late than anybody else here because it won't reach Brunei. It's quite a benefit cuz no one would know my results if I don't speak out to them. =D I tried my best though. My June results was shitly done, disappointed ehh. Maybe I'll play blackjack again sometimes. I'm looking forward to play Persona 4 and RO. Zul said it was utterly awesome. Till then. I Love you M.A. =)

Good night.

2008-12-17T10:20:00.001-08:00

Yes, I do have a great day today. =) It's already too late to say good night and as well as too early to say good morning. This morning I got up quite late.. My parents was about take me out for breakfast, again, at fleur-de-lys, but as usual, urgent calls, emergency meetings.. I was sorta pissed off by that but I was used to it so no big deal. After luoch, my daily routine was to spend much and more time with him. =) we did argue about something, about me, being too secretive. I really don't know what to do, I can do nothing, I mean this is the real me, at least I'm not pretending to be someone else. I guess no one would ever understand and accept me just the way I am. Not even him. It's okay though it made me cry sometimes thinking about those stuffs. I'm already used to it. =') so, in the evening, I went to Gadong with erwan, which was supposed to be a friend of mine but he's not for some reasons. Well, we had a great time hanging out together, I guess. The thing is, I can't stop thinking of my M.A, never did. =) He was out too btw, watching movie with his family. It's a good thing that they didn't watch it at the mall. It's not that I don't wanna meet him, I really do.. You know I do wanna meet you baby. But, there's a big butt! Huhh. I mean, erwan's the problem. It's still okay if we ran into each other. Just let it not be my mom. Ohh, I do not want to say more. I've had a great time though, chatting with him tonight, although I have this stupid headaches. =S everyone's such a pain in the arse, ohh problemo, get away from me! I think I'd better stop here and get to bed, with my M.A. =) good night and sweetdreams. I Love you M.A

2008-12-17T01:24:00.001-08:00

So, as I was saying. My party was I think, the legendary party of the year. With my adorable invitation cards, which was earlier than expected. I'm soo glad that it all went well. It end pretty early though because there was another party going on in the next morning. Ohh, my beloved buddies, thank you for the surprise party and the presents. Yes, I do adore my dress that night, so amazingly hot and I can't lie, I do look exquisite in them. =D I'm sorry to those not invited, my party's private, 75 guests only. I do not want wild parties going on in my house anymore. For some reasons. Thank you soo much for the presents and greetings. I Love you guys, much! I do not know what else to say, just feeling special on that particular day. Damnly. The smile on my face wouldn't fade away. I also wanted to apologize, for viewer ;technical reasons, I won't provide any picture until at some dates.

Not the first time.

2008-12-17T00:06:00.001-08:00

It's hard to say. I do not need to start posting with introductions and all that. =) it has been two days since my fucking-hard-to-describe birthday party. It was totally awesome. I wanted to thank my charming sweet and cute(HAHA) cuzen, Naem. For the awesome pictures he took that night. And thank you for doing it for free! =D I hope you guys have a blast yea. Mumy and babah, thank you for the new Mazda cx-9, hahaha. I Love you soo much. I have soo much to tell but not much time to dn so. Later.